Talking holiday stress with U of M

MINNEAPOLIS/ST. PAUL (12/10/2024) — While the holiday season is a time for joy, reflection and connection, it can also disrupt our routines and amplify emotion — making it feel stressful for many. 

Sabine Schmid, PhD, with the University of Minnesota Medical School and M Physicians, talks about strategies to keep holiday stress in check, from managing expectations and finding mindfulness to navigating loneliness and grief. 

Q: Why does the holiday season feel stressful for many people?
Dr. Schmid: Holidays present a break from our routine. Whether it’s time for reflection, connecting with family and friends or something altogether different: change shakes things up, stirs up feelings and requires additional cognitive resources. The possibility of surprise is physiologically activating, and for good reasons. Who will bring up politics? What presents will I get? Some of us get excited and expect good things, and others get worried — both are forms of stress, and both are healthy and important. Stress helps us evolve, learn and grow.  It is only when we fear we’re ill-equipped to meet challenges that we get overwhelmed. Strangely, holidays tend to coincide with other deadlines, both externally imposed (related to a quarter/year ending, perhaps) and self-inflicted (“I need to get this project done before the holidays,” for example). 

Q: What are your tips to keep holiday stress from becoming overwhelming?
Dr. Schmid: Stress is a natural response to being challenged. Feeling overwhelmed signals that we may lack the resources to meet the demands of a situation. Of course, the perceptions and expectations we bring to each situation are informed by our past experiences and are not always accurate. To alleviate stress, we can increase our resources, reduce demands and challenge our assumptions. 

When feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself these questions:

• What exactly is causing stress?  Do you dread entertaining visitors or being alone with your thoughts? Too much on your plate, or not enough? Reminders of past experiences, or not being appreciated? Or perhaps too many unknowns? 
• What can I control? Remember, you only control what you do or say, not your feelings, others’ actions or opinions, or external factors like the weather.
• What are two possible things I can do to reduce my stress? If uncertainty is the source, could you make the holidays more predictable? Acts of gratitude and compassion may help.

Worrying can be productive if you focus on what you can control and stay flexible and value-driven in actions, while accepting the reality of that which is outside of your control. This allows you to prepare, improve the situation and leave you feeling more competent, confident and less stressed. 

Q: What role does mindfulness play in managing holiday stress?
Dr. Schmid: Being mindful is about bringing our mind to our physical presence at and in this moment. If our mind is not present, we are not effectively steering our actions. Other forces — such as our fears and avoidance — gain control of where we are going when we’re not mindful. We may stray from our paths, even crash. Being mindful does not automatically make us feel better or less stressed. However, it gives us a chance to assess and effectively meet the challenge, keeping stress time-limited. 

Q: What advice do you have for coping with feelings of loneliness or grief during the holidays? 
Dr. Schmid: It is healthy to have many — even seemingly incompatible — emotions at any given time. When we reflect and break from our routine during holidays, we just notice them more. Uncomfortable emotions are neither good nor bad. We are tempted to employ quick fixes, numb the pain and avoid the discomfort. However, pain and feelings are not the problem — they are merely the messenger. During holidays, we can acknowledge the stress, fear and hardship, grieve losses, and give ourselves permission to enjoy.

We each have our unique trajectories and timelines. We may be in very different “places” when our paths cross. Check in with yourself, assess your own needs and check in with each other. It is easier to be together if we can respect different perspectives and preferences for the holidays, which allows us to make room for grief and reminiscence alongside joy and celebration.

Q: How does your academic work at the U of M inform your clinical approach to stress?
Dr. Schmid: At the U of M Medical School and M Physicians, my work is in the mood disorders program among exceptional scientist-practitioners, exploring and implementing many exciting and innovative interventions for depression. The detrimental effects of prolonged stress on major depression — and our mental and physical health in general —  are well established. My scientific, educational and clinical endeavors are centered around evidence-based, specifically cognitive-behavioral and mindfulness-based, treatment for mood disorders. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is particularly well-suited to help patients cope with stress by analyzing the source of stress, challenging unhelpful assumptions, problem-solving, and trying new behaviors. With practice, help and mutual support, we can effectively meet the demands of the upcoming holidays and allow stress to serve the function it evolved to serve: To learn.

Sabine Schmid, PhD, LP, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the U of M Medical School. Her education mission centers around empirically validated team-based patient care, interprofessional learning, and mentorship of trainees across disciplines.

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